Grammar Lessons for Golden-Years Lawyers

Lawyers of a certain age (say 50+) seem to operate under a set of unwritten grammar rules. They likely remain unwritten because they are not in fact rules that actually exist, but rather are ones that likely became ingrained in their heads after reading years of dreadful prose written by legislators and judges, not to mention their predecessors and colleagues' products.

WHEREFORE, presented here on this blog (the natural medium for people of that age) is a couple of grammar tips:

• Use of a colon does not necessitate the use of semicolons thereafter.

This probably stems from years of reading unwieldy statutes that often glue together dozens of clauses in an attempt to be thorough. In so doing, the legislators may employ semicolons in their "super-comma" function (i.e. to separate lists of things that already contain commas) or for no real reason at all other than perhaps a misguided attempt to provide clarity. Whatever the cause, a comma is a perfectly fine mark to use, and is in most instances correct. E.g., "The defendant raised three affirmative defenses: assumption of the risk, governmental immunity, and res judicata."

• Don't use "which" to introduce restrictive clauses.

Oh "that," that ugly word. "That" is a word that inspires hatred. I've had teachers tell me to go through compositions and remove the word "that" wherever it appears. Truly, "that" can be overused, but the word serves several purposes.  One of those is to introduce restrictive clauses.    

A "restrictive clause" is an adjective clause that cannot be omitted from a sentence without affecting the basic meaning of the sentence.  It is not set off by a comma like a non-restrictive clause would be. It can start with "that," "who," or "whose," but never with "which." Again, I blame legislators who use "which" because it sounds more formal -- much like the douchebag person who responds with "I am well" when someone asks him or her, "How are you?"

• Use serial commas.

I know, it was a different time back in the Depression (or '70s or something) and you had to conserve ink. But now most stuff is electronic and those couple of pixels in that extra comma can avoid confusion.

• Use active voice for god's sake.

My writing professor once told me that you should imagine your reader as a young child. Just as a young child needs his or her hand held to cross the street, you must lead your reader through your sentence. Don't confuse the poor child in the middle of the street by hiding your subject or masking your verb, as the passive voice does. If you write a sentence like:

A purchase order may be cancelled by Buyer only with the written consent of Seller upon reimbursement by Buyer for any and all expenses and other losses incurred by Seller as a result of such cancellation, including the actual out of pocket costs, overhead and anticipated profit incurred by Seller.

... then you have led your child into a bus, you negligent monster. Thanks for reading -- now you may commence critiquing my grammar.